Soul Stirrings...by Lillith

Soul Stirrings...by Lillith

This is a letter I wrote when I found myself wondering what would be Anakin's Interpretation of his and Padme' courtship and how their relationship came about seen through his eyes...I hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed the journey It took me on in writing it. Here it is:

My dear wife,
I remember the very first time I saw you, you looked like an "Angel" and I told you so. I felt so fortunate to have met you and our time together although brief was an awakening of sorts for me. I feared you would forget me so, I gave you a piece of my heart. I remember you told me you didn't need anything to remember me by and my heart sank and then I realized you meant you would have,with or without the "gift" I had given you and my soul stirred within me at the reciprocation of feelings between us. We had come from two very different worlds and your duties as Queen, and mine as a padawan training for knighthood as a Jedi, required we go our seperate ways and so, we parted; you back to your people, and me back to Obi-Wan's care. I felt like a piece of me was being ripped away, but my friend had much yet to teach me and though it pained me to leave you I was hopeful of all I would learn...

Ten years went by and I never forgot the child-prodigy, the little queen who befriended me in the form of a handmaiden. Whatever form you took to claim, for me your beauty was unsurpassed, your strength, truely inspiring. I vowed that I would find my way back to you no matter what and I made a promise to my heart. I will never forget that fateful day when I saw you. You were just like I had seen you time and time again in my dreams. I was hurt by the words you spoke in an attempt to deter others away from notice, the notice of the stirrings of our souls as our eyes locked in recognition. I only hoped you would see me as I am...a man, deeply devoted to you and only you. Then all of a sudden your heart spoke to me through the force and you said you had missed me too. I was grateful and I made another vow...that I would claim you for my own.

As fate would have it I was chosen to protect you and accompany you back to your homeland after the attempt on your life and I saw this as an oppourtunity to reach out to you in a more profound way and enlisted all I had within me to make you see that deep down iside of you, you knew you belonged with me. That fireside night at the retreat I poured out my soul to you but, you where not ready and even looking back on it now I can't breathe, the thought of not being with you too much for me to bear. I told you I shared your feelings about not wanting to live a "secret" life as we were forbidden to fall in love, but deep inside me an unseen beast ripped at my heart and I silenced it the best I could so as not to frighten you away.

One of the most wonderful and most terrible days in my recent memory was the day you spoke the words I had longed to hear. We were bound and marked for death, and you leaned in towards me and said that you loved me and wanted me to know before we died. My soul stirred again but, the joy was short lived as we were wisked into the arena to face our captors. Words can not express the joy that I have now knowing we have made it though that and now we have time to plan our lives together, for Iv'e planned to take you as my wife...if only you will have me.

Padme', thank you for loving me and agreeing to take me as your husband. I must be the happiest Jedi in the entire galaxy for my dream of having you as my own has been realized...the brief ceremony on Naboo that we stole away to achieve, our secret embedded in our hearts, makes me smile as I look at you. You are sleeping and I am in awe of the beauty by my side...how I have longed for this day. I am taken back by the miracle that we are. I can't remember what my life was like before the love I have for you began. Even now as I watch your body move slightly in sleep an overpowering feeling to touch you threatens to overcome me but, I restrain it the best I can, once is enough my love, for you are spent. My fragile Angel must rest. I only hope I didn't hurt you, you are so delicate with your feather-light caressess and tender trusting manner, your eyes never leaving me, allowing me to drown in all that is you. I wanted to go slower but, my body had ached for you for so long I could not hold back...forgive me my weakness, my darling; in taking you too quickly. Being inside you was a Heaven I never knew existed. The next time we are intimate I promise to take my time, to devote the attention to your body, your heart deserves. I want you to always remember I am yours, and only yours Padme'. I love you so very much, you are in my soul...my very being, you are my everything, promise me you will never leave me, for I shutter to think of what I may become without you there to ground me, to satisfy the hunger inside me as only you can. I want to spend the rest of my days loving you for with you I am a better man. Your loving husband, Anakin